Go To Bed, Already!

So many things are weighing heavy on my mind….

I finally got out of the house today – the first time I’ve been out since January 1st. I had to get groceries. We were out of everything. I stopped by Wal-Mart first to get the non-food items. I went around 11:00 am; yet it was so crowded in there! Maybe, it was a lunch rush or something. Or maybe, it’s because the weather is predicting snow tonight. Who knows? I waited longer in line than it took me to find all the items I went in for. Usually, I avoid Wal-Mart like the plague.

After that, I made the spontaneous decision to go for a walk at my favorite local park because the weather was simply beautiful. I wasn’t expecting it to be so warm today with a forecast of snow. I walked just over a mile and a half. The sunshine felt wonderful. The fresh air and exercise raised my spirits, as it always does. Nature is a powerful healer. During warmer weather in spring, summer, and fall, I try to get out for a walk at least once per week. This doesn’t always happen; but it’s a goal to work towards, nonetheless. In winter it’s a lot harder for me. I get cold so easily, and the cold is physically painful. Even today, the tops of my ears went numb by about the half-way point.

Then, I went to the grocery store and finished my shopping. By the time I got back home, I was exhausted; and I still had to carry all the groceries in and put them away. I haven’t slept yet today. I’ve been up since 9:30 pm last night, so a little over 21 hours, now. My sleeping schedule is completely screwed up at this point. I don’t know why I do this to myself.

After getting the groceries put away, I sat down to relax for a few minutes. Shortly thereafter, our landlord called, saying he found us another stove for the kitchen. Our oven hasn’t worked since Thanksgiving. Only one of the 4 stove eyes worked with some consistency, while the others seemed to have only one setting – high. He said he was on his way over with it. As he’s bringing in this “new” stove, he tells me that the large stove eye doesn’t work. Really?! He said he would switch it out with the old one to see if that solved the problem. After he did this, plugged it in, and turned that eye one, blue sparks shot out of the back of the stove! He told me not to use that stove eye (ya think?). He said he would try to bring a replacement eye over tomorrow to see if he could fix it.

Now, I have all these worries going through my mind of an electrical fire. Great! We don’t even have smoke detectors in here!

After he left, I realized I needed to do a load of laundry because, seriously, I only have two pairs of pants that fit me properly (that I will wear out in public); and both are in the laundry. The jeans I wore today were so uncomfortable that I would rather be tarred and feathered than wear them again. I have an appointment early tomorrow morning with my disability consultant to fill out some paperwork, so I need one of those pairs of pants clean. They’re in the washing machine, now, which is why I am sitting here venting rather than curled up in my bed, under my warm comforter sleeping.

And this paperwork is stressing me out. I’ve been such an emotional basket case lately that I couldn’t concentrate to fill it out; so I had to call the disability consultant to ask for assistance. Thankfully, I have someone to help because I just can’t think straight anymore. My mind is a cluttered mess.

Of course, it really doesn’t help anything that I haven’t even eaten anything since last night, either. I really do need to get my eating back under control because food issues certainly contribute to the lack of concentration, anxiety, and mood swings. I know this. Again, why do I do this to myself? I’m my own worst enemy.

And I really need to get this house cleaned before my appointment with my case manager on Thursday. It’s a mess. Hopefully, I can get that done tomorrow after my appointment because I’m simply too tired to do anything else tonight. I need to go to bed.

Maybe, I should unplug the stove.

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