For the first couple of years that I was with KR, I used a simple mantra as a daily goal:
Wake up. Survive. Go back to bed.
I told myself this almost every morning and every night for the longest time because it was all I could accomplish. At the time, moment to moment was (and often still is) as far in advance as I could manage. A few months after beginning this mantra, I added “eat something” to “survive” because I was struggling so much to remember to eat on a regular basis. I never quite got the hang of that; but thankfully, KR is much better about the food thing than I am. Over time, this daily mantra grew into a list of tasks to complete daily, which, technically, is a goal list. Now, it would look more like:
- Wake up. Make the bed. Shower, get dressed, etc.
- Feed/water the cats.
- Check emails, glance through my news-feed, etc.
- Run errands if needed.
- Daily chores: wash dishes, clean up kitchen, vacuum (yes, daily), clean out litter boxes. (These 4 daily chores are mandatory for me to consider it a “good” day. I’m obsessive about them.)
- Other chores (I won’t bore you with this list, but it’s everything from finances to laundry and other cleaning rituals.)
- Do something creative (not always an option, especially if time does not allow)
- Eat dinner.
- Relax with KR — watching TV or playing video games.
- Go to bed.
None of this may sound like a big deal for most people; but for me, it’s what kept me going, my routine. Some days are busier than others. Good days are when I get most everything accomplished that I need to. Bad days are when nothing holds my interest, and I get little to nothing accomplished. Changes to this routine are very, very hard for me to cope with.
Case in point, take the past two days, for instance. Today, I was super-focused and determined to get everything done that I’ve been putting off for the last couple of days. Laundry was piled up higher than normal; and even after washing 3 loads of bedding and linens yesterday, I still felt behind. By the time I placed the second load in the dryer today, I realized I would have to leave the house while the laundry was going to get everything else done at a reasonable hour. For me, this is usually before dark because I avoid going out after dark like the plague. Why? A deep-seated childhood fear of the dark… Avoidance issues… Or something like that.
Interrupting thought: Can I just say that leaving appliances running while I’m not home makes me incredibly nervous. That’s probably because an army housing inspector told me many years ago that household appliances are the #1 cause of electrical fires. I cringe at the thought of house fires. I usually unplug most small appliances as a result. Needless to say, that army housing inspector left me with a lasting impression.
Anyway, I managed to push aside this fear, bargaining with my inner worry-wart by telling her I would only be gone for about an hour. After putting away the first load of laundry and starting the third load while the second dried (wait, did that make sense?), I gathered up a couple of bags of garbage and the recycling, loading it into my car. I left my house right at 5:00 pm. I stopped by the mailbox on the way out and by the garbage dump right down the road a few minutes later. Next stop, cigarettes at 17:09. From there, Fred’s (a smallish department store) to get KR’s Pepsi and paper towels at 17:23. Since gas prices are so low right now ($1.829/gallon!), I stopped to fill up my gas tank at 17:29. Since Fred’s didn’t have all of the non-food items I needed, I had to stop by the dreaded Wal-Mart at 17:43. Seriously, why is my denture adhesive so hard to find in this town?! And finally, I stopped by Save-a-Lot (grocery store) for their Pick 5 Meat special, out at 17:56, before driving back home.
I carried everything inside and got it all put away before the dryer even clicked off a few minutes later. That was like crazy marathon shopping! Pure tunnel vision — Must. Get. This. Done. Honestly, I don’t think I’ve ever gone to so many different stores, made so many stops in such a short amount of time.
Every day chores completed early, laundry complete, shopping done, and added bonus, blogging tonight — today was a good day because I accomplished so much, even with a dull headache causing my head to throb like a bass drum.
Today was kind of like this:
Frazzled, yet more or less focused and determined.
Yesterday… not so much. I’m not so sure if it was just that I didn’t feel like getting out of bed yesterday (I did, eventually) or if it was a “bad” social media day or what. Some days it really does pay to stay off of Facebook or, at least, to be more “mindful” of what I click on from there. An article came across my news-feed about “Legitimate Rape” and the March for Life. No, I’m not linking the article here because it was triggering and a disgusting display of the vile, warped mentality so many pro-lifers possess. The article made me cry (a rare occurrence these days) and left me feeling numb afterwards. The day pretty much passed in a blur from there, very quickly. Yesterday’s theme seemed to be rape pretty much wherever I went online.
There was one positive in all of this coincidental coverage of the topic of rape, though — Vanderbilt rape trial: Defendants found guilty on all charges. Positive for not only the courageous victim, but for those of us who lived through similar circumstances. I only hope that this trial raises awareness and begins the much needed discussion and change in societal views that are long overdue.
Yesterday was more like this (I’ll add that this video is probably NSFW — not safe for work! and a little violent. You’ve been warned.):
Other than mindlessly washing all the bedding, I didn’t accomplish much else. Yesterday was kind of a bad day. It just kind of flew by… in a weird, dissociative way.