I’m learning that I literally have to take the time I need to do just about anything, not just the hobbies I enjoy, but also chores and errands. I mean really force myself into whatever I need or want to get done. This is so difficult when fighting depression (and anxiety and the weirdness that is dissociation that runs rampant this time of year for me). It would be so much easier to simply stay in bed, sleep a while longer, rest my weary mind. I’m so tired so much of the time, regardless of how much sleep I actually get. Coming out of the winter “blahs,” I’m struggling to reset my system and to find that “happy place” where spring usually takes me.
But today… today was more of a sense of urgency, that feeling of desperation — almost like the extreme anxiety that leads to a panic attack, but also an apprehensiveness or helplessness that I can’t explain. There’s really no reason for me to be feeling this way. My life is fairly stable at this time. KR and I are getting along well. Financially, we’re making the bills just fine. Yet, this pervasive feeling is so overwhelming, I can only conclude it is an echo of my past. As I drift in and out of conscious awareness, displaced emotions, numbness, and flat-out dissociation, I don’t know what to do with any of it.
It’s times like these that I need someone who truly understands to talk to; but it’s also times like these that I cannot make myself reach out for help.
Does anyone else experience this? What do you do?