The last shred of hope I had left just dissipated with that one word — unfavorable. The SSA might as well have handed me a death sentence. A death sentence is more humane. This poorly timed letter is nothing more than a slap in the face in an already stressful situation. I have 60 days to appeal again; but what’s the point? I’m tired of fighting for something that’s probably going to be taken away from each and every person receiving Social Security Disability Income in the United States anyway. I’m tired of fighting for something that wouldn’t allow me to fully financially support myself regardless of whether or not I received it. I’m tired of being ran through the mill to prove my illness, only to be told, “You’re not sick enough,” regardless of the fact that I “feel” worse than I did when I was actually receiving SSDI.
Every part of me is tired. I’m physically, mentally, and emotionally exhausted.
Right now, I can see 4 choices, none of which are “good” options, each carrying great risk. At this moment, I don’t feel like I “deserve” any better. I feel like I don’t even deserve to live. It’s like I said before. No one believes me. And why should they? My mistake in leaving treatment in 2008 costed me my credibility, not that those of us with mental illnesses have a lot of that anyway; but now, I’m simply out of options. Stability isn’t something I can foresee in my future — financially or emotionally.