Today was my last visit with my case manager, whom I liked very much, enjoyed talking with. During the last few minutes of our visit today, she told me she has accepted a job offer elsewhere; so she will no longer be my case manager. I was a bit floored, shocked by the news. It’s so sudden. I hate sudden changes. Who am I kidding? I hate “change” period. I think most people do; but for me, I desperately need consistency and predictability. Change sends everything into chaos — inner and outer worlds.
A change in case management means having to get to know yet another case manager, the third in as many years — not even 3 years. What if I can’t make myself talk to the new one? What if we don’t “click?” Trust doesn’t come easy for me. How am I supposed to trust another case manager? Just keep the conversation light and trivial, polite yet impersonal.
“Don’t express doubt in treatment or you’ll find yourself without treatment or emotional support at all.”
I’m beginning to believe that the idea of “emotional support” is nothing but a myth. Maybe it doesn’t really exist at all. I’ve searched for it my whole life, yet nothing fills that void of neglect or heals emotional pain. My parents chose to ignore emotion. Maybe that is the only way to cope with it.